


Your head on my shoulder

by say_das_name



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Idols, Jisung loves Minho a lot, M/M, Minho loved Jisung, Minho loves Jisung a lot, Soft Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, jisung is sad, jisung realizes his feelings, mentions the rest of the group, minho is eliminated, predebut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26305510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_das_name/pseuds/say_das_name
Summary: This story reveals what happened the night Jisung saw Minho's video message to the group after he had been eliminated.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 99
Collections: Iced Americanos





	Your head on my shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on AO3 so I'm slowly learning the format of things. I'll post this on both Wattpad and AO3.

Hopefully everyone has seen the video I'm referring to

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

" _Jisungie, when PD-nim told me to rap and you held my hand... I remember it. I did well back then. This time, did I mess up because I wasn't holding your hand?_ "

Jisung bit his lip to hold back the tears. He couldn't cry, he didn't want to, not in front of all the cameras. Jisung leaned over Chan's shoulder to look at the screen better. Through his own watering eyes he could see Minho's face, it was slightly puffy from crying before shooting the elimination video yet he still had the widest smile. How was it that his hyung could smile even at a moment like this? Minho had always been like that, he would smile even when he was hurting. 

Even though his hyung sometimes seemed cold towards others he had the brightest smile Jisung had ever seen. Gosh, Jisung was weak for his smile. He didn't even know why he was so affected by it, but he was. It seemed that no matter what, if Minho smiled, Jisung was guaranteed to smile too.

Jisung wanted to be anywhere but there, in front of cameras, in front of people he didn't know. It sucked having to be put through this survival show. People getting eliminated, the high stress levels, and the lack of sleep (but that was actually pretty normal for them). The group wasn't used to having cameras everywhere they went. Jisung felt as though he no longer has privacy. The price to pay to be an idol he would think to himself.

So that's why, despite the dark atmosphere surrounding the boys, Jisung forced a neutral face - " _for Minho"_ he told himself.

After the shooting was over the 8 boys were allowed to enjoy themselves at the campsite without cameras looming over their shoulders. The three youngest ones, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin, roasted marshmallow by the dwindling fire. Chan and Changbin and Woojin were discussing the next few days of the survival show; thinking about the challenges ahead of them and how to prevent any more eliminations from happening. Hyunjin went to his tent, which he shared with Jeongin and Seungmin, to practice his rapping.

Jisung went to the tent he shared with Chan and Changbin and decided he'd have enough social time. He was exhausted from a full day of shooting for the survival show and his social battery was dying. 

Jisung tried to fall asleep, he really did, but instead he squirmed around - uncomfortable by something percolating in his mind, and maybe his heart. He lied awake staring at the ceiling of the tent, the faint sounds of chit chat outside by the other members filtered in. Jisung closed his eyes and the message from Minho rang in his ears. _Did I mess up because I wasn't holding your hand?_

 _"No,"_ Jisung thought, _"it was never your fault,"_ he wanted to tell Minho. Jisung couldn't take it anymore, he sat up and grabbed his phone from off the side of the futon he was on. He screeched as the intense screen light hit his face. 

Jisung fumbled around the screen in search of a particular contact. Jisung pressed the button and let it ring, setting his phone down on his lap and watching the phone ring. Eventually the phone lit up with a familiar face.

"Hello? Jisung?"

Immediately Jisung's body relaxed. "Hyung!" Jisung said, his voice beginning to shake at seeing Minho's face.

"Hey how are you doing? Is something wrong? You usually never face call me" Minho looked worried. His eyebrows slumped down and his face turned into a pout. "I can't see your face Jisungie."

Jisung was glad Minho couldn't see his face because he was sure his face was red and his eyes puffy from trying not to cry.

"I- we saw your video" Jisung managed to say after a moment of awkward silence. "And I can't turn the light on from where I am, I'm too lazy" the younger one joked half heartedly.

"Oh I see" was all Minho could say.

"I remember it too" Jisung quickly adds, " I remember when I held your hand. After I slipped my hand into yours you squeezed it softly.... I remember. "

The tension of the survival show had piled onto his shoulders and Jisung was nervous for their first evaluation in front of JYP, his hands were shaking so much it was hard to hold the mic. But as his thoughts tunneled into the black oblivion, a warm hand had taken his. When Jisung looked to the side it was Minho who had taken it. He had swung their hands back and forth, their interlaced fingers tightly bound. He remembered the feeling of interlacing their fingers again when Minho had to rap, they squeezed their hands in a silent message of support ~ yeah Jisung remembers. 

At this point Jisung wanted to cry. He felt it was unfair that Minho was eliminated, JYP's half ass excuse was that Minho "wasn't good enough ". Minho is good enough, he _is_ the best, in his eyes Minho was a shining light. He was an amazing dancer, a talented vocalist and a good rapper. He had the purest smile that Jisung had ever seen. He was a great listener (though his reactions need some work), he never failed to make Jisung laugh, and he was always there for him, a pillar right beside him. To Jisung, Minho was everything. "Minho hyung" Jisung let some tears fall from his face but luckily the darkness of the room covered for him "I miss you... A lot. " He added the last part quietly.

"I miss you too. So much." Minho said, voice quiet and eyes turning incredibly soft.

Because Minho was in a lighted room, probably in a JYP dance studio, Jisung could see Minho's entire face. Every emotion and expression Minho made Jisung could feel it. He watched Minho's eyes gloss with unshed tears. It could have been the camera quality but Jisung swore he saw a single tear fall from Minho's face. T

he damn broke at that, and Jisung began to quietly sob. "Minho, I wish you were with us right now, with me." Jisung chokes back his tears to try and steady his voice, "I miss you being with us every moment of the day, our inseparable group. I miss our random conversations that no one else seems to understand." Jisung felt tears drip down his cheeks, "I miss walking into the studio knowing you were there with the group. I miss our late-night conversations. I miss the late-night runs to the convenience store even though we aren't supposed to sneak food." That last one earned a small laugh from the other end. The smile Jisung received filled him with so much content and admiration, he didn't know what to do with himself. Jisung couldn't help but smile at Minho. "I especially miss when we would cuddle and you would drape your arm around my waist and you would start to softly sing when you thought I was asleep. I love your voice ~"

"Wait you were awake when I did that?" The older one's reaction temporarily broke the slow paced atmosphere, Minho's face had a look of shock and embarrassment. Jisung let out a laugh and laid back down, while rolling onto one side.

"Jisungie," Minho started, "I'll always be there for you. Even if we're not in the same group I'll work hard so that I can be someone you guys can be proud of. " Minho's cat smile appeared and his eyes turned into beautiful crescents. Jisung's organs started betraying him; his heart sped up and his stomach twisted knots in itself. His lungs forgot how to work and he was temporarily left speechless.

"Hyung- we'll always be proud of you. You're amazing. You're Lee Minho!" Jisung teased. But his tease was filled with genuine love. Jisung knew he would always be proud of Minho, no matter what group he ended up in he would always be happy for him. Maybe it was selfish to think this, but Jisung wanted to be a reason for Minho's smile, the cause of his laugh, the cause of his happiness.

"You have a good voice, a very good voice a great one at that" Jisung was quiet, almost inaudible through the phone.... "and I wish I could have heard more of it. " Jisung stuttered at the last part, finding it hard to say it out loud.

"Jisung," Minho said slowly. When Jisung looked into the phone he saw himself in the small shrunken screen in the corner of his phone. When he had rolled over and turned to his side, he accidentally illuminated his face with ambient light from the outside. His face was swollen from crying and he knew Minho saw it too. Minho's face contorted into a look of silent pain, "please, don't cry because of me. I never want to make you cry. Please don't cry Sungie, not over me." he begged. 

Jisung's heart clenched up at the older one's words. It just didn't make sense to Jisung, Minho was the only one he'd allow to see him in this state. He didn't mind crying in front of Minho because Minho was there to reassure him of his worries and doubts.

What Jisung didn't know was that it pained Minho to see Jisung cry. Minho knew he wasn't great at helping with emotions but he was always willing to listen to the younger one's troubles. It pained Minho to see the Jisung's face stained with tears and swollen beyond belief. Minho wished he could draw the younger one into his chest, to hide Jisung's face from the world while he cried so others wouldn't notice. He wanted Jisung in the saftey of his arms, away from anything that might hurt him. Minho wanted Jisung as close to his heart as possible, where he had always been for the older. He wanted to slowly place a kiss on the crown of Jisung's head ~ and maybe, if Jisung allowed it, he could place a chaste kiss on the younger's lips ~ He wished to do so, even when Jisung wasn't crying. Minho wanted, when Jisung was happy, to run to him out of joy, he wanted to kiss Jisung when both were just happy to be together, to see one another. Dance is his passion, but Jisung was his joy.

However fate seemed to not work for him and he's reminded by his stinging tears that his time with the group was over. He would still see them at the company but it would never be the same. He wouldn't hangout with them, eat with them, sleep in the same dorm as them. It was different now, he was an outsider.

"Sungie," Minho said after a prolonged pause, " close your eyes." Jisung was hesitant because all he wanted to do was look at Minho. "Please." Minho added. Reluctantly Jisung closed his eyes, a small tear that had built itself up in his eye finally slipped down his face.

Minho quietly started to sing, "I miss you" he started out. Jisung immediately recognized the song as Spring Day, one of his favorites. As Minho sang, another tear escaped from his eyes.

Minho saw the tear it fall on screen, "Sungie," Minho stopped sing, "I can stop if It makes you too emotional," he brushed his thumb over the screen where the tear lay on Jisung's face ~ despite not being able to do anything about it.

Jisung didn't even realize Minho had started calling him Sungie, but he didn't mind. "I don't mind, please continue, your voice.. it's beautiful and I want to hear it."

Minho hesitantly began where he left off.

_The heart runs through time_

_Snow country train left alone_

_Holding your hand_

Minho thought of their entwined fingers.

_Go to the other side of the earth_

_I want to end winter_

Minho wants to end the cold feeling he feels watching Jisung cry. He wants the cold to leave his precious Sungie, replace it with warmth - his warmth. 

_..._

_Until spring comes again_

_Until the flowers bloom_

_Stay there a little longer_

_Stay_

_"That's a nice name"_ Minho thinks for a second.

Minho ended the song and when he looked closely at his phone he saw that Jisung had fallen asleep. The slow rising and falling of the younger one's side indicated that sleep finally found him.

"Sungie?" The older one whispered but the later didn't move.

With a sweet smile Minho thumbed over Jisung's cheek through the screen.

"I love you" Minho added quietly before ending the call.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

I'm hurting myself by writing this TㅅT.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it :)  
> Comments are always appreciated. Constructive crit. is fine, I just have a weak soul so don't roast me too badly.


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